A bittersweet goodbye

[Ayjay]

At the start of this year myself and my family had to deal with a devastating family death of my dad, which completely rocked my world and everyone around me too. I personally found him dead in our family home, it was incredibly sudden, unexpected and awful as he seemed healthy and in good spirits, he certainly wanted to live and he always made sure to make a point of that.

I didn't really say much in regards to detail at the time, because I didn't think it was the right time for me or it was the right information to be spreading on a Garrys Mod community forum, I'm still not completely sure it is. But the past 6-7 years have been spent dedicated to this community and I (as many as I'm sure you guys do) use this community to take my mind off the processes of real life and perhaps some of you have or are dealing with a similar situation.

Another reason for me posting, is that I wanted to say that no matter what happens in your life there is always a bright side. Things may seem incredibly difficult in the moment or even for a while, especially in grief or depression, but things ultimately will get better. Perhaps this message doesn't apply to you now, but I am certain that it will in the future.

With that being said, my bright side is that I now have the opportunity to start my life in a way that I never thought I could. It's always been a dream of mine to travel the world, and I'm now in a fortunate enough position to do so at the start of next year. I've also put down a deposit and had a mortgage accepted on a new house, as that's something my dad wanted me to do, to start my future correctly.

In regards to this community, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for sticking by the server despite periods of uncertainty and a lack of leadership. I can't take much credit in the current improved management of the server (I'd thank TinySlayer for most of the behind the scenes work with that), although I can say I've certainly provided support and assistance over my tenure here and that is something I'm happy to have done.

The community manager role is something I believe could be extremely beneficial to the server, but I'm unsure if I am personally able to continue within this role in the future due to me setting off travelling soon enough & not having too much free time until then. I believe somebody else should take over, and believe this should be done by some form of public election, with candidates chosen the current roster of staff. Ill be resigning from this role as soon as another community manager is chosen, however I will continue in my former Developer role to assist in future updates in my free time.

This is somewhat me stepping back from PERPHeads for now, other than development, but I'd like to thank you all for a fantastic time.

See ya!

 

[Deleted member 1235]

Ayjay I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't even comprehend the emotional rollercoaster that you must've been on the last few months.

Thank you for all your hard work, it's never gone unappreciated. There's always a place for you here, both on and off the forums <3

 

[Deleted member 6228]

Sorry to hear about your loss Ayjay, it takes a lot to deal with that and even more to eventually step back. Always here for you.

 

[Husky]

So sorry to hear about the passing of your dad, you were a great Senior, Developer, and friend. (Not so much CM doggo )

Hopefully, you can achieve your dreams of travelling and have a great time.

Stick around in the group chat, stay safe bud

 

[jjjackier]

I had no idea, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you're getting back on your feet though. Good luck in the future.

 

[Adrish]

Known you for a long time AyJay, got me my first suit, don't know why you let me get a ridiculous red colour but you've always been someone I can come to for any sort of advice and have always been very helpful. It's very sad and upsetting to now hearing what you were going through, I hope you knew that you could always talk to me if you wanted to.

I hope you have fun travelling and make sure to keep the group chat updated on Will and your travels!

Take care of yourself man.

 

[curak]

Thank you for all your hard work Ayjay, we really do appreciate what you've done for this community! I'm sorry to hear you've had/have a really bad time . I hope you do feel better now or will be in the future!

I wish you the best of luck in the future! And hope you have fun travelling!

 

[Creepis]

You did mention somewhere that you were dealing with personal issues, didn't expect it to be this huge. I symphatise with you, I haven't have to deal with something as big as this but I do understand the results of depression and having to deal with it.

Take a break anytime and don't worry about having to take any professional help if it gets worse. Having anyone even listen to your smallest problem helps out a ton.

As for travelling, sounds like a great idea. Make sure to get a DSLR camera with you and cherish any moment. Now you just have to hope for Corona to die out. I'd love to do the same but my mom only knows Turkey :/

Stick around and keep in contact. Take it easy.

 

[Bnjemann]

I remember you back when you were a moderator and you handled situations very patiently and you were one of the nicest moderators at the time. The effort you've put into the community has been immense, and you've assisted me in learning to use developer tools like blender quite well.

You stepping up as a community manager was both a surprising, yet welcome bit of news to hear.

Sorry to hear about your losses dude, that's something no one your age should ever go through.

With that being said, my bright side is that I now have the opportunity to start my life in a way that I never thought I could. It's always been a dream of mine to travel the world

Here's a quick tip; Skip essex, its a shit hole.

Good luck with your future endeavours and I hope to see you with a funny coloured name on the forums again soon!

 

[Sam]

Well this was a bit unexpected, I'm sorry to hear about your dad, it's not easy to lose a close family member.

We have "known" each other for many years now, and it's been a pleasure "working" with you. You have done a lot for the community, and I don't think we can thank you enough. You have always pushed good changes for the community!

I wish you good luck on your travels, if you are going to visit Sweden (Swedistan) again, read below article for your own safety.

https://www.thelocal.se/20170621/no-go-zones-what-you-need-to-know-about-swedens-vulnerable-aeas

PS. If you are ever in Stockholm, let me know!

 

[Zepol]

Ayjay , I am so sorry to hear about your loss, even though we haven't spoken properly in a while I know that whatever life descions you make will ultimatly make your father proud. I am sorry to see you go however I know all good things must come to and end.

 

[Esteban]

Hi Ayjay. Really sorry to hear about your dad. No one deserves to experience what you did, but I'm hoping that you're slowly getting better.
I just wanted to thank you for being who you are. You were a great friend back when I was active on here, and you are definitely one of the few people who made my stay in this community worth it. I hope you find great happiness through your travelling, and I wish you the absolute best of luck onwards.

 

[Jimmy]

You're a good man Ayjay, I'm so sorry for your loss and what you and your family have had to go through for the past few months. Your decision to travel the world is a fantastic one and I absolutely encourage you to go out and live life to the fullest. Seize every opportunity in life and make the best of every situation and you'll make your father proud. (Also buying a house at your age is amazing, congratulations!)

 

[Aquaa]

God bless you man, you seem so emotionally strong with all this shit that's happened to you and I've always knew you had a big heart and strong character. I wish you all the best in your new home (it's a lot of fucking work, trust me.) and with everything you do in the future. Someone with your traits and character are bound to be successful in life.

Thank you for sticking around in the community so long and for everything you've done for the community; truly wouldn't have been the same without you. I'd also like to thank you for bringing me onto the staff team and sticking your neck out for me, it really meant a lot to me.

Let me know if you ever wanna come on a tour of all the crackheads in Miami <3

 

[Clarky]

Sorry to hear about your loss, take care and best of luck with your future endeavours.

-Former ZARP Community Manager

 

[Bnjemann]

When I went to miami someone was stood in the middle of an intersection walking up to the cars stopped at the red light offering to spit clean people’s cars for a dollar whilst they waited for the red light. Really sad, I hope he has customers for his crack habit!

 

[Daigestive]

Ayjay you're such an amazing, friendly and toxic guy. I'm sure your dad would be extremely proud of you dude with all his unconditional love. Take it easy dude, enjoy your travelling.

 

[THECRX]

RIP to your dad, smash it for him now, no doubt he is watching over you and the family.

chin up bud

 

[Double J]

Sorry to hear this Ayjay. It is tough losing a loved one but losing a parent is even tougher. I know how you feel, I lost my mother in Early 2017, First year of High school which caused more issues.
Just don't forget that he is always watching you and your family and wants you to have a good life.
My deepest condolences.

 

[Palodhi]

Sad to see you go through this Ayjay I remember back when i was 8ish playing perp and being a little minge in your org lmao. Will have good memories when I used to be benbenbo.