trauma - Warning, very sensitive topic

[Kempotent]

Spoiler: Read the title

DO NOT PROCEED WITH READING IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT GRAPHIC CONTENT, PURELY THERAPUTIC NEEDS HERE.

So I've obviously told family and friends about this, and to be honest it feels really weird sharing it but I guess it feels weird not sharing this, things feel really odd at the moment, I've had a lot of trauma throughout my life but this ones really messing with my head.

This Sunday night my girlfriend and I are just chilling, about to brush our teeth - We hear a massive bang, I laughed saying it sounded like someone smashed a draw shut downstairs, my girlfriend was sensible, calm and... shit herself begging for me to go check it out, so of course I do, go downstairs check the entire house. nothing. I then go ahead and look outside my window (I live in a flat complex sort of, it was originally built to be a hotel about 3 stories high, now it's residential - important for the story) It's dark, I see nothing.

We laugh it off and go to brush our teeth before bed, completely forgetting about the whole ordeal, until the morning. It's 7:30 AM, my girlfriend wakes up to make my lunch before I start work, she goes to the kitchen and the sink is just under that same window, she sees the police but she is quite blind without her glasses so her first thought is to laugh and send me a picture of the police, not really knowing what she is seeing. I open up the picture she sent me, I see the police and the top of a blue tent... I immediately know what is going on, throw the covers off, rush downstairs and grab her and pretty much threw her to the back of the kitchen.


The noise from last night now makes sense, I look outside the window and someone from the balcony above had jumped off and committed suicide, right outside my window. I wont go into too much but I saw everything, the sight of someone jumping to their death up close is something I don't think I will ever get out of my head, he had hit a car and bounced off onto the concrete and he wasn't in a good state, I knocked on the window and told the police that we heard it, they came round and asked some questions, I was the only person who knew when he did it. They were very confused at first because the height that he had jumped from could not of killed him instantly, and he was clearly there for a while and died in the night.

What is fucking with me so much is that he was there overnight, I was brushing my teeth on the otherside of the wall. I heard it happen, I literally looked at them but it was too dark. I don't think a sight like that will ever get out of my head, worst part was that after I had come home from work, he was gone, no one knew, it was like it never happened, however the police did not really "clean up" i went round the back and theres the pile of blood there still along with some contents from his head. I'm guessing they thought it would be easier for the rain to wash it away?

Anyway... Yeah this is fucking with me, I'm currently not able to sleep at night here and everything feels really eery. I'm not sure if anyone has had similar experiences like this before but how did you manage?

 

[kerzify]

therapy mate, always the best when you're struggling with something

 

[Bnjemann]

Talking about it is a good first step. This shouldn't be a matter you're silent about. You need to hear other peoples perspective of your situation.

Honestly time is a steady healer. You weren't in any position to prevent this from happening, and don't start believing you were for a minute, because thats when it could get a whole lot worse for you. Someone else made a terrible decision and acted on it.

As @kerzify said, speaking to your GP about getting some sort of therapy to alleviate your experience will be the best way forward. You may be offered medication too, and that may help, but this will be entirely optional and you should consider whether or not that'd help you.

 

[Allen Kennedy]

Mate of mine went through something similar, basically saw it all happen, and as far as I know, therapy helps.

I'll be honest though, and I know this does no good now, but sometimes the best thing you can do is just not be curious. My next door neighbour tried something like this a few years back, and while I could've went to my window, looked down over the tenting and seen it all, I knew it just wasn't something I wanted to see. It took over a year for her to recover, and she's doing a lot better now, and so maybe that makes it easier, but I know if I'd seen her like that it would've fucked with me a bit.

 

[Ava Black]

Yeah. A long while ago my sister heard a bang, thought it was a gunshot at first, but obviously we're british, so those are really rare. The police showed up, and apparently a car hit someone on a scooter outside my house. Sight wasn't great, skull was broken open apparently. I never saw it, but those kind of things are kinda terrifying. As much as this community is a little bit iffy and jokey, we're here for you, man.

 

[Clarky]

Talking about it is good enough in itself however if this genuinely continues to impact your day-to-day life and sleeping then you must speak to your GP, don't let it continue to drag you down for so long because what you've described is quite literally traumatic as fuck, mentally it'll affect you way more than you really actually think without realizing it, a bit like going down a internet rabbit hole, except that in this case this is extremely sad and you should not put yourself to fault at all for someone else's decision.

If you just need to actually talk to somebody about it during your worst times thinking about it, you can dial a crisis lifeline for support

List of suicide crisis lines - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[DanielRabbit]

I can sympathise that feeling. I remember nearly 2 years ago around in February at my old school someone decided to stab another child and kill them at my secondary school and it was such a confusing time as well as because we were silenced from talking about it. And it made a real impact on me and my friends because some of my friends has witnessed it and I nearly went up to the stabber but my friend stopped my from going into the wrong direction which am grateful for. There's always going to be people to talk about it and get you the treatment you need. Am sure there are members of this community who may be willing just to talk about it if you don't feel like speaking about it in person. There are always places where I believe you can speak to about it anonymously aswell. As my situation might have been different to yours I just hope you can recover from it. As it may be hard it's best to not stress or overthink about it but if you can't there are always people out there to talk about it.

 

[Scrabuz]

Unfortunately I have experienced many similar incidents through my work in EMS over the past couple of years, so I can sympathize with you quite well. As the others have said, you should definitely not bury this and try to work through it by yourself. However, that doesnt mean you have to talk about it; there are many different types of (trauma) therapy, confrontation is just one of them. Figuring out which type works for you is something only you can do. The important step is the one you have arleady taken: Recognizing you have experienced something extraordinarily distressing that goes beyond what you can just forget and move on.

My DMs are always open for you or anyone else going through a tough time.

 

[Ethem]

Spoiler: Read the title

DO NOT PROCEED WITH READING IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT GRAPHIC CONTENT, PURELY THERAPUTIC NEEDS HERE.

So I've obviously told family and friends about this, and to be honest it feels really weird sharing it but I guess it feels weird not sharing this, things feel really odd at the moment, I've had a lot of trauma throughout my life but this ones really messing with my head.

This Sunday night my girlfriend and I are just chilling, about to brush our teeth - We hear a massive bang, I laughed saying it sounded like someone smashed a draw shut downstairs, my girlfriend was sensible, calm and... shit herself begging for me to go check it out, so of course I do, go downstairs check the entire house. nothing. I then go ahead and look outside my window (I live in a flat complex sort of, it was originally built to be a hotel about 3 stories high, now it's residential - important for the story) It's dark, I see nothing.

We laugh it off and go to brush our teeth before bed, completely forgetting about the whole ordeal, until the morning. It's 7:30 AM, my girlfriend wakes up to make my lunch before I start work, she goes to the kitchen and the sink is just under that same window, she sees the police but she is quite blind without her glasses so her first thought is to laugh and send me a picture of the police, not really knowing what she is seeing. I open up the picture she sent me, I see the police and the top of a blue tent... I immediately know what is going on, throw the covers off, rush downstairs and grab her and pretty much threw her to the back of the kitchen.


The noise from last night now makes sense, I look outside the window and someone from the balcony above had jumped off and committed suicide, right outside my window. I wont go into too much but I saw everything, the sight of someone jumping to their death up close is something I don't think I will ever get out of my head, he had hit a car and bounced off onto the concrete and he wasn't in a good state, I knocked on the window and told the police that we heard it, they came round and asked some questions, I was the only person who knew when he did it. They were very confused at first because the height that he had jumped from could not of killed him instantly, and he was clearly there for a while and died in the night.

What is fucking with me so much is that he was there overnight, I was brushing my teeth on the otherside of the wall. I heard it happen, I literally looked at them but it was too dark. I don't think a sight like that will ever get out of my head, worst part was that after I had come home from work, he was gone, no one knew, it was like it never happened, however the police did not really "clean up" i went round the back and theres the pile of blood there still along with some contents from his head. I'm guessing they thought it would be easier for the rain to wash it away?

Anyway... Yeah this is fucking with me, I'm currently not able to sleep at night here and everything feels really eery. I'm not sure if anyone has had similar experiences like this before but how did you manage?

I wanna start by saying I'm really sorry you had to experience something like this. I've been through similar things myself, and even now, they still come back to me from time to time, so I wanted to share some of my experiences with you.

I've dealt with health issues for almost half of my life, and throughout that time, I've seen and gone through a lot. Experiencing these things at such a young age definitely leaves a mark on you. Unfortunately, I've also witnessed people dying around me multiple times, and going through all of that takes a toll on you in ways you don't always fully understand.
People often say that staying positive is the best way to get through difficult experiences, and while that can help, it's not always that simple. Sometimes, things genuinely mess with your head, and you can't just convince yourself to be okay and move on. It takes time to process everything.

What I personally found helpful was talking to people about my problems, whether that was with friends and family or just people online. Having someone who'll listen without judging you can make a huge difference. Talking to a therapist can also help a lot. These experiences affected me for a long time, and I struggled with nightmares throughout that period. Honestly, there were times when I had no idea how to deal with any of it.

And please remember that none of this was your fault. You didn't know what was happening that night, and you couldn't have possibly known what you were about to witness. You weren't responsible for what happened, and you shouldn't blame yourself for not doing anything differently. It's easy to replay situations in your head and wonder what you could've done, but you had no control over what happened.

If it's seriously affecting your sleep or making you feel unsafe in your own home, please consider talking to someone you trust or reaching out to a therapist. There's absolutely no shame in that, and you don't have to deal with everything alone. In the meantime, try to spend time doing things you enjoy and being around people you're comfortable with. Don't put pressure on yourself to get over this quickly; give yourself time to process it.

I'm not gonna pretend I have some perfect advice that'll make everything better, but I really hope that, with time, things get easier for you. I'm genuinely sorry you had to experience something like that, mate. Take care of yourself. I'm open to talk if you need someone to talk to.

 

[SomeUser]

Dude that is shit im sorry u have had to go through that, just echoing what everyone said at this point reach out to ur GP both of you to see if you can get something emergency wise, there also alot of charitys that work within the NHS Network that do therapy aswell (I was / still am under them)

If I can offer a piece of advice, don't be afraid to talk to people about it, To your friends that listen to your family your girlfriend whatever as this is a great first step reaching out to people and stops future issues from happening

Reach out if u need anything I can listen all day mate, Try to keep your chin up

 

[Tyla Jai]

honestly chatting about it does so much good, it's called catharsis, but one problem with that is perhaps your friends/family are usually not mentally scarred enough to handle that type of convo. i've seen and dealt with many suicides before so if you want a chin-wag send me a DM xoxo

 

[cosmo]

as a guy with PTSD do NOT use medication unless it is your LAST OPTION
try everything and anything before turning to it, therapy, talking to friends/family, whatever, but only use medication is you've spoken to your doctor and they tell you you're out of options
i know that for some people medication might seem like an escape, but its not, not for some, for some it's just more issues, and some is enough
stay safe <3

 

[Medium]

Although we are all here for you, seeking professional help for this is the best you can do for now. Keep talking about it with your loved ones, make sure that they know you are going through this and they will automatically help you in giving it a place. Witnessing something like this is pretty extreme, and it will take time to make peace with it but the right help can get you a huge head start in doing so!

Feel free to DM me on Discord if you wish to talk about it further, I can share my personal experiences with different types of therapy.

 

[Ethem]

honestly chatting about it does so much good, it's called catharsis, but one problem with that is perhaps your friends/family are usually not mentally scarred enough to handle that type of convo. i've seen and dealt with many suicides before so if you want a chin-wag send me a DM xoxo

I definitely agree, especially when it comes to opening up to family while making sure they’re emotionally prepared to handle it. I struggled with that myself and kept everything bottled up for a long time. Eventually, I found it easier to open up to people outside my family. Which seemed to be the fix.