Dear Connor,
We have decided it's in both our interests that you be banned from entering the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
The reasoning behind your ban can be found on the website "perpheads.com" where you have been quoted to of said "whats peri peri sauce".
This is, of course, would breach the peace should you be allowed to enter the United Kingdom.
Kind Regards,
The Rt Hon Priti Patel MP