It may not necessarily be my place to speak, but I'd have a hard time accepting an apology that isn't written out in a coherent sentence/paragraph(s).
Your intent to apologize and improve yourself is good, but if it doesn't even look like you put actual effort into an apology, how am I supposed to believe you'd put an effort towards improving yourself?
Your apology, as it is now, feels half-assed. Take the time to proof-read and have someone help with punctuation if necessary, because going to that extent of putting in effort for your apology also helps when you want to prove to everyone that you are willing to put in effort to become a better person.
Just a small tip.