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In the beginning I was conceived; this action has been highly criticized and is generally considered as a bad move on god’s behalf. Every Thursday the world’s major religious leaders and scientific minds form together and try to solve the mystery as to why god allowed my existence, the most conclusive theory being that he was buzzed on jenkin at the time and too busy masturbating to guro to care, because he is a sick fuck. Anyway, back to my conception, so there I was, floating around the womb as an undeveloped fetus, and a damn attractive undeveloped fetus at that. Here I resided for a good 8 months until my wifi-internet connection dropped out and I was forced to leave my chamber. I launched my 29†wolverine claws from my fists and shred myself free from the womb. I then launched myself at the doctor in the delivery room and head butted him into a coma.The head butt was of such catastrophic, epic proportions that to this day scientist agree it is the most plausible cause for the extinction of the dinosaurs, and much more plausible than a giant rock falling from the sky and killing everything, which sounds like something you would hear from the bible, which is completely fabricated FYI. Some scientists disagree with this theory. These scientists however graduated from universities such as Yale and Harvard, meaning they are obviously Zionist controlled slaves and thus their opinion is worth less than that of a woman, ergo, negative nothing. Anyway, after head butting the doctor I ran towards the window, grabbing a SNES and a 50†LCD TV on the way before smashing through the window at record speed. While falling I managed to beat Contra II before landing directly on my feet and taking off at a speed previously unknown to that of men. Shortly after, I was adopted by a Canadian Lumberjack by the name of Heward C Wellington who raised me on Street Fighter II and rabid beatings. It was a good life. At night Heward and I would fight crime in the form of the Russians. Each night our heroic battle would grow more and more intense. The dramatic endeavour continued to spiral downwards until it reach its unbearingly awesome climax where Heward and I single handily defeated a battalion of zombie Nazis lead by none other than Hitler himself. After out triumphal victory we returned to a normal life of Street fighter II and beatings, until he found out that I once laughed at an Adam Sandler joke, leaving him with no other option than to disown me, and by disown I mean roundhouse kick me so hard it separated my mind, body and soul, banishing me from the plane of existence. After surfing the mental astral plane for roughly a millennia I was able to re-attach my mind and soul and summon myself back to the material world. By this time however my body had eroded into a huge pile of nothing. I drifted through the material world completely void of any physical manifestation of myself for roughly 526 days when I then forced my being into some raging faggot.
My name is James, I'm 19 and from Edinburgh in Scotland.
I am in my second year of university studying BEng Computing.
I know many programming languages, but learning an actual spoken language is fucking impossible.
I am a cat person.
I've been groomed by a peadophile before and had him arrested because he was breaking his probation (the best part was getting to hand over pictures of a man's penis to the police).
I have had 3 stalkers (75% of all of my sexual partners).
I cried during Bambi at the age of 18.
Aight'
My name is James, I'm 19 and from Edinburgh in Scotland.
I am in my second year of university studying BEng Computing.
I know many programming languages, but learning an actual spoken language is fucking impossible.
I am a cat person.
I've been groomed by a peadophile before and had him arrested because he was breaking his probation (the best part was getting to hand over pictures of a man's penis to the police).
I have had 3 stalkers (75% of all of my sexual partners).
I cried during Bambi at the age of 18.
Aight'
