Review my writing pls

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So for a few months now I've been writing a fallout based fanfic, set in the commonwealth/Boston area, somewhat loosely following the events of fallout 4, and attempting to tie in characters, places, etc. whilst maintaining a somewhat original story. I don't really know what I'm doing with it yet, and so far I've only let @roxie and my parents (shut up) review it. If anyone wants to have a look, they can have a read of all 13 chapters in the link below, bearing in mind I'll likely be heavily modifying a lot of stuff, adding/removing stuff from chapters, etc, possibly adding in more. Just give me some constructive criticism and don't be a cunt. Also it should go without saying, but, don't steal and upload it anywhere else public, it's not done yet.

(It's a google drive folder link, anyone can view it.)

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B8Itlp_wN-q8VWl5dnd6d3dmbHc
[DOUBLEPOST=1500244960,1500244693][/DOUBLEPOST]I also hereby forbid hazza, Tyla, and Matt from commenting in any way shape or form on this thread.
Just, behave, alright?
 
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First chapter:

"Whats up sugartits"

I didnt read it a (lol 12 chapters) but it seems like a lot of effort went into it and its well done.

falloutvaultboythumbsup.jpg
 
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