Ups and Downs

[Daigestive]

I wanted to do this for a while. I see myself as a mature member of the community, by that I mean most of my friends and others I've met here are younger than me. I've been through a lot and I'd really like to help anyone with their emotions. I'll talk about myself. I'm 19, as a person I live through my emotions, I'll give everything for what I love, my friends, my family. Recently I came out of 6 months depression. I had no help with it. I'm still embarrassed and have no intention speaking to any friends or family about the problems I had. The only reason I can write it here's down to anonymity, perp has no influence on my personal life. As hard as it is, everyone will go through it. You could earn 100k a week as a pro footballer like Danny Rose and it hit you. You could be one of the most successful snooker players in Ronnie O'Sullivan and it hits you. Either way Depression to me is an illness. Asking for help is only a sign of strength. Most people like me struggle with it and feel as if you need to deal with it by yourself because that's the only way it wont come back. If you have it in you to speak to anyone, you really should. I could be in a room full of friends and feel alone. I'd wake up some days and not want to get up, not because I was tired just because I didn't want to know what would happen that day. Some days I'd feel worthless, like I'm not good enough for my degree or anything.

It's like living with a mask, you can't see things how it really is. I was never really self conscious nor had low self esteem. It just came to me. I'd think about ending it all, how a mother would have to live without a son and a younger sister without a brother. That really upset me but made me realize I could never do it. It wouldn't stop the pain just pass to on to someone else. I knew it would only take time for me to feel better, and it took 6 months felling like this with no help. Everyone deals with their problems differently. One coping strategy I had was to write all my feelings down. I phoned my gp twice however gave up on the NHS. A really good organization helped me a lot:



https://www.samaritans.org



They were free and gave very quick responses. I emailed them a lot and even though they aren't legally allowed to give you advice they'll make you feel better and give you practical options to help.

Now I receive counseling for anxiety which really helps. I was never shy or had any social problems. I just constantly worry what other people think about what I do or say. My major concern is if I end up feeling the same way I used to again which is something I'll never lose.



When I was going through it all I wrote this thread: https://perpheads.com/threads/i-dont-want-a-title-for-this-thread.33369/



TL;DR



The purpose of this thread is for me to tell you guys, no matter how much I don't know you, you think that I hate you because I really don't or even that you feel it's too petty to say. You can tell me anything and I'll give you 100%, an honest opinion and the best advice I can give. Speaking to someone makes a massive difference and could help you a lot. Acknowledging you need help is only a sign of strength. I completely understand how overwhelming emotions can be.

 

[Jamal]

Me, including a few other community members which I won't say their names have been dealing with depression and anxiety for some time. I mean as fucked as it is, i turned to drugs to just sooth all pain i'm through. I have thought about ending it many times and have came close to it twice in the past year, and a lot of the time I do wonder what is the point on carrying with life but the only thing that stops me is actually doing it. A lot the time i'll wear as mask just to pretend to be happy because no one really wants to be around someone who's down all the time which usually leads to it getting worse, i don't really ask for help from anyone unless I feel like I have no other choice. But I get what you mean by not feeling good enough, I feel that a lot and the only thing that boosts my self esteem atm is the gym but unless it's a gym day I refuse to wake up or get out of bed just because Ik the moment I start my day, it feels like living in hell and that's why I used drugs as an escape from reality. Recently two of my supportive friends @Dom_ and @Husky talked some sense into me and told me to go to see a doctor, however the doctor classed it as mild depression and have to go back on the 6th as a check up, but they said i'll most likely be furthered onto for counselling. But the best advice I can give anyone is to speak to a friend, even though it's hard to do so, I my self still struggle to open up to some of my closest friends and I won't until they ask, but you feel a lot better once you've opened up.

 

[Deleted member 4983]

I haven't really been "depressed" for a long period; more so for 1 day where I just feel like doing nothing.
On one of those days I watched my man Jordan Peterson.
Went and followed his advice and cleaned up my room, really felt energized and very happy after that.
you should really check these out my man:

Spoiler

Spoiler

edit: also check out his videos about his book "12 Rules for Life: an Antidote to Chaos"

Spoiler: 1st episode yes

 

[Piz]

I’ve never been depressed so wouldn’t know what it’s like. However, people close to me have been and it’s strange, as it can be the most bubbly and talkative person of the group - who none of us would assume would be feeling like this.
It’s a real shame that it affects so many so I praise you on getting through it.
Keep it real man.

 

[Deleted member 4983]

 

[NightLock]

This topic, oh boy, hits close to home for a few reasons. A lot of people in my life as well as myself have struggled with things for a long time, especially my boyfriend. Mental health issues, whether it's depression, anxiety, disassociation, panic disorder or any other horrid one of them, are extremely sucky. They are a horrible thing to have to cope with, and it's a lot harder to do it alone. I study psychology and follow therapy methods myself due to wanting to pursue that as a career, and one of the hardest things people have to do before being able to help is for that person to actually go to them, and admit to themselves that they're not okay, and that they need help. And needing help is okay! We all struggle with things throughout our lives, and it can feel like it'll be a lot easier to turn to drink or drugs or other more permanent measures to ease the pain you experience, but it's not worth it.

Whether you speak to the Sams, or you go to a local professional or even a close friend or family member, or hell, even if it's just someone here you can speak to, it is important to not bottle these things up, and it will harm you in the long run in a big way. Whatever you're going through, you're not alone, and it's okay to look for help. Stay strong, even if it's okay to be weak sometimes

 

[MegaFro]

I've had depression for most of 2018, what a terrible fucking year. I've started getting tons of stress from school, then I got insomnia and couldn't sleep till 3-4 AM everyday, even if I was tired in the afternoon. I'd wake up at 7:50 usually, 10 minutes before school and then I had to just get up and instantly put on clothes and go to school, come back home, be tired af but then again, can't fall asleep for like 5 hours after I went to bed, no matter how early I'd go to sleep. I just had one thought in my mind the whole time I was in bed "Fuck fuck fuck I dont want to sleep I have school tomorrow and even if I do fall asleep it wont be enough fuckkkk I dont want to go", every single fucking day. I had mental breakdowns weekly, just thinking about how fucked everything is because I cant study, I sleep for 4 hours everyday, I'm stressed, I have no motivation to do anything what so ever, and the fact that I probably wont do anything that I want in life and I should end it all because its too hard and I cant ask for help because then people wont stop looking at me and wont stop being worried that I'l do something to myself. But imagining how my parents would react if I'd kill myself I just felt so bad.. I met a group of friends that I joined them, were a group of like 6 people, one of them moved to another city tho.
The start of the year I was sad, then I got more and more depressed, and most of those friends in that group are like.. Really "happy people", meaning that theyre always energetic and basically happy, but around winter time like now, one of them couldn't sleep either, he became depressed too and it was weird to see him like that since he always was in a good mood, now he would fall asleep in class, argue with the teachers, just look pissed and tired all the time, like me.. They made it easier to go through the year but it was still hard af.
This group of friends is usually chilling together in discord so I joined in too, and one day everyone left except me and this other guy that I knew nothing about because he was quiet af and I low-key didnt know he even exists, we started talking and somehow the conversation turned into talking about how we feel about school and why school is a cancerous prison. Since then we became good friends, were both socially-awkward retards so that explained why I didnt know anything about him.
I remember when we were in class once and we both usually had hoodies like uhh.. The part that covers your head we always on and the teachers would always ask to take them off, and basically after we both didnt want to take them off because we hate our hair (I didnt even know how his hair looked lke lol), so the teacher kicked us out of class, sent us to one of the "high rank" teachers and they like yelled at us and told us to go home because we wouldnt take off the fucking thing off our heads like are they fucking serious? I saw this guy yelling at him mom down the phone because our parents were mad even tho the school is the problem here, we cant wear fucking hoodies? Literally a prison lmfao.
They sent us home, he even told me that he told the teacher "Hey I dont like my hair can I wear hoodie yes" and the teacher told him that its okay he can wear it but this time he kicked both of us out, I forgot to mention that when the teacher was kicking us out, I took the hoodie off my head, and then put it back up because I know everyone was looking at me, and the teacher literally said "Why did you put it back up? are you trying to be a 'man'"? In Israel, people often say like "What a man" and shit and it basically means that if you fight someone youre a true man or some bullshit, so he told me that and I was like "?? No?.." its just.. I was quiet and clearly im unconfortable and he just starts yelling like I fucking attacked someone and the whole class looks at me, legit didnt do anything to him and hes being so aggressive, so fucking annoying.
We both went home and I explained to my mom what happened and she got pissed and started arguing with me too. I just got out of my house and went to where my friend lives (2 KM away) and then we talked for like an hour about how retarded this all was. My mom was spamming me like "where are you" and "come baaaack" and it was good because maybe she will realize that somethings not fucking right.
After summer started, boom, depression fucking hung it self, I got motivation to do what I really wanted to do the whole year but couldnt do because of school, I was happy, this summer vacation was the best 2 months of my life, the first month was full of memes with a couple of my friends, we had so much fun and we were happy af, no stress, nothing, the 2nd month I went to Ukraine and I'd usually join discord at night or whenever I wasnt doing anything, was tons of fun.
School started again and I am using every tactic possible to stay happy, its working pretty well so far but there are days where I feel aids.

 

[Itzryzo]

the nhs is a pile of shit you gotta go like 10 times to get any sort of mental help

 

[mango]

School can be pretty hard no matter what country you're in, especially when you start going through your teenage years. I'm socially awkward to an extent myself and loads of other people are and I know how hard getting through situations can be. No one wants to get out of their bed on a morning to go to school, so you're definitely not alone there and everyone has their own problems, no matter how happy they look or whether they're the same to yours or not. I wouldn't call what you had depression as you're a teenager and probably experiencing a lot of hormonal changes, etc. You'll get through it.